I'm slowly realizing that I'm not needed by many people anymore. It used to be that anyone could come to me openly about anything. That doesn't happen now. I'm hardly asked how I am, not many are quick to respond. And when I pose the question that their life would be better without me, they try to convince me that it wouldn't.
I could tell you the obvious: TRY! Clearly I've tried. But when a silence goes on for more than a few months, why should we bother? I should cut ties with them and wish them well. Have a great life, sorry I'm no longer apart of it. I would love to have the relationship that we used to have. I would love to have my close friends back, the ones that mattered, but I don't. I don't have many left. And I'm not ready for it to be just me.
What we all have to realize at one point that we sometimes have to settle for less. But I can't help but to wonder if these past few years, our deep conversations and promises of always being friends and being there for each other were just empty promises? Because they sure were false hopes.
I'm not held back. I'm just limited. If my friendship ever meant anything to you like it had to me, then you'll try along with me. I gave you your space and now that I'm no longer apart of it, I wish like hell that I was. But I need to let go now. We'll never be as close as I hoped we could be. I will live with that someday. It's just hard to be in a new place with not a lot of people you know. Not that I knew many, but more than I know here.
I'm not saying that just having Andy isn't enough. He's more than enough when he's available aka not working. With him that's rare catching him not working. But I cherish every moment we get together. I just need someone to talk to when he's busy at work.
I might of made a new friend today. Not sure. I didn't catch her name. But she must live near by. She helped me lug a few things to my place. Nice girl. It would be nice for a new friend.